I got this in an email foreward, so it must be true, right?
THE YEAR’S BEST [actual] HEADLINES OF 2005:
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[No, really?]
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
[ That'll stop 'em. ]
Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
[Not if I wipe thoroughly!]
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
[What a guy!]
Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
[They may be on to something!]
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
[You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?]
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
[he probably IS the battery charge!]
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
[Weren't they fat enough?!]
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
[Taste like chicken?]
Local High School Dropouts Cut In Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over a gain!]
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]
And the winner is….
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
LOL :d